My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
