I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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