wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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