I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize