my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this beer tastes like vomit already
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
