i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
