The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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