note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
