I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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