Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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