I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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