I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
