I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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