Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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