I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
