i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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