I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
