Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
