imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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