just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
