Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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