you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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