Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
