turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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