I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
