dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
