she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
