if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
