so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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