there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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