I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
