"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
