I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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