I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
