69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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