Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
