Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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