So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Shame - the story of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
