You can't special order awesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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