HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
