You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We don't watch enough power rangers
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
