Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
