you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
