my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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