Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
