not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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