somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
