i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
