My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
