Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
