If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize