you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i will never coherently bang her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
