so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
