yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
