I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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