To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
