Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
