You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
