All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
