i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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