Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
