Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize