4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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